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trips | Battleshy Youths
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Note: I originally wrote this February 6th in Florida, and just got around to finishing it now. I wrote it with lots of sleep deprivation, so don’t believe everything I say. I am slowly starting to post things that have been saved in my “draft” posts for months ^_^

I’ve officially finished classes. Now I just need to officially get my degree to officially make my parents proud. (I got my diploma last week!)

Last Monday (1/30) I started working full time as an “Engineer I.” It’s pretty exciting. I have business cards and everything. This week I’ve been living in a fancy hotel room in a Disney resort in Orlando and attending a technical conference on the “Life of a Transformer.” I’ve learned a lot and all sorts of equipment vendors have been schmoozin’ us. It’s good to have some specific technical training, since my education at university covered such a broad range of electrical engineering concepts.

Here is my boss giving his talk on “New Approaches to Asset Monitoring & Management” this afternoon:



Now. On to another topic.



I generally don’t post about religion. But today I am. Though it’s not really “today” anymore, it’s almost two months later…

I am a follower of Jesus Christ. This makes me a “Christian.” In America there are a lot of bad stereotypes surrounding that word.

Now, this is dangerous ground to tread on and I might regret saying this, but for the most part, I don’t associate myself with Christians or with that word. I know I am called to community and meant to be part of a congregation, but it’s awfully hard to commit to things of that sort when I see so much hatred and bigotry, and so many catty (meow) cliques, and all of this illogical disdain of anything different.

On Sunday I broke down into some pretty aggressive tears while leading my congregation in John Mark McMillan’s “How He Loves.” I finished the song fine, luckily it is written in a style where I did not really need to control my tone too much. Most “Christians” think this is a happy song with unforeseen kisses written by David Crowder. While Crowder is amazing, he did not write this piece. John Mark wrote this the night that he found out that a very close friend had died in a car accident. You can watch the entire story here:

My friend Greg was in a car accident earlier that week, and could have been very close to death. I didn’t plan to sing this song because of that event, but when I started it I realized how very near I had been to losing him, I broke down. Life is short.

There is a certain part of me that defaults to insensitivity when I encounter situations that make me nervous. I find myself being incredibly mean at times. I don’t know what the 80-year-olds in my congregation thought of me that morning, but I am glad that people were nice and didn’t mention anything about this. Or maybe they didn’t notice it. Either way, God was there. Worship is something that all humans are called to partake in with everything that we do. I have read lots about it and one thing that I constantly realize is that we need these times of worship every week and every day for consistency. It is only every so often that we are blessed to be brought above regular worship to a place where we feel as if we are somewhere else; when we are all one and when God is surely there. Those times come naturally and without warning, not necessarily after many rehearsals or at worship conferences.

And that about sums up all that I have to say right now regarding this. Life goes on.

5 thoughts on “trips”

  1. Thank you for sharing this. A brave piece of truth. God loves you, Michael. And the actual real recording by John Mark McMillan has a fourth verse where he sobs and doesn’t even sing the entire thing. If you don’t have it, I can give it to you. My friend Stephen gave me a bunch of tracks of his because they used to go to the same church I guess and he was at the release show for one of his albums. “3 am” is a good one too: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BkOKRDD-X4g

  2. Michael, I know what you mean about shying away from the word “christian.” Though I am one, I don’t love all of the generalizations, small-mindedness, and hate that is associated with that word. God is love–that’s what I want to be clear; not that God hates anyone who is “different.”


    This was a moving post. Thank you for writing it. And, no, I had no idea that was the context in which JMM wrote that song.

  3. I was also afraid to call myself a Christian.. especially because I’m still kinda new at it. Although I guess I’ll always be new at it, in one way or another. However, I did decide to start saying it more and more, because that way people can see that all “Christians’s” aren’t “like that”.

    It’s even funnier when I say I’m an “Orthodox Christian” because then I get the “don’t judge me!” look. lulz.

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